Reasons why Muslim brothers (& sisters) should avoid porn like the plague (Sensitive/graphic info will follow)

(This is a slightly edited version compared to my thread on twitter a few months ago, a few sisters pointed out some issues they deemed problematic and unfair, this has given me a wider perspective and understanding of the issue which I hope is noticeable in this post.)

Before I start, the inspiration for this thread was a twitter post which talked about how a pious married man became addicted to porn, which spiralled out of control and resulted in sexual interactions with other men, STDs and divorce. Suffice to say it is a true story about what can happen if a porn addiction is left unchecked.

Firstly, it’s prohibited in Islam...you are seeing the awrah of non-mahram women (& men) doing private (often disposable) acts & there is often music in the background. 

Secondly, you are actively promoting porn by clicking on those websites, giving them views, giving them advertising revenue, it is a multi billion dollar industry. (With the biggest website alone worth almost $3billion)

Thirdly, your mind will only get more perverse as you need more each time, normal will become boring & you will go towards the extreme. This is what pushes the dark web to film rape, torture & paedo porn. So you’re contributing towards child abduction & rape. 

After watching porn you are most likely in need of ghusl. But your brain has just released chemicals to make you sleepy, so you’re going to fall asleep (maybe before isha) & when fajr comes you won’t want a shower at 4am, so you will miss fajr. 

It plays on your mind & you become addicted, sometimes twice a week, sometimes once a day, you have to find that time by yourself, privacy, spend 10 minutes looking for a video, another 10 watching it and then another 10 showering, 1/2 an hour gone to sin each time.

Your wedding night will be a big surprise...your new, shy wife will be clueless & nervous yet you’ll have all these wild scenes in your imagination. It will not be how you imagine it, you probably won’t enjoy it as you’re programmed to enjoy more extreme acts by now.

Sex will be difficult, you won’t be able to “perform” unless you watch something to get you started. This is a common occurrence for our younger generations who can’t even ‘get hard’ without watching porn first.

You will come to a crossroads. Either you will try to mistreat your wife to fulfill your porn enhanced desires or you will pretend to enjoy sex with her/put off having sex with her (whilst still watching porn).

If you persist in watching porn whilst married, you will find it more difficult to get that ‘alone time’ & this will lead to arguments with the wife as you try to escape from her for your 30 minute ritual.

Your wife will catch you one day, it will be obvious, a browser unclosed, the sound too loud, stains on clothes. Anger or sorrow will follow, both of which are your fault.

You can name more pornstars than you can sahaba, this is the state of our Ummah. The end days are close now guys, how bad will the generation of our grandchildren be?

You will become desensitised to more nakedness in the world, your iman will be affected & you won’t even realise. Iman will decrease, prayers will fall away, you will be in a constant state of uncleanliness.

Sodomy & homosexuality is rampant on these sites, as your eternal descent into darkness carries on, you may develop a taste for these videos. This leads down the most accursed of paths. 

Then Ramadan will be here, fasting is easy even when it’s 17/18 hours...but after you break your fast & go for 2 hours of tarawih, you then go home to sleep for few hours. You’ve not had your “special time” but fajr is here, the desire supersedes hunger & thirst easily.

You will be less inclined to lower your gaze, you will look further afield to satiate your “hunger” and it can be extremely easy to find prostitutes. This could be a thread by itself but we know where this can lead.

Where does it end? Humans have unlimited desires, do you buy sex dolls? Create your own little porn room with sex toys? Become an incel who hates women that aren’t 2D? Denigrate your wife? Become a voyeur? There’s a thousand roads and none of them are good! 

Ok so for those of you that are still reading, there are ways to deal with this, it is not going to be easy, far more difficult than stopping smoking or going on a diet. But rasulAllah (ﷺ ) has given us advice.

Marriage! Now, this isn't a 'cure all tonic' and you can't just expect your wife to deal with this issue for you, you should work on yourself before marriage, it isn't fair to be bringing potential issues to your spouse so soon. Yes, marriage can help abit, if you are already addicted to porn by the time it happens then you have a tough few weeks, have sex 3-4 times a week, you will inshallah be too busy for your “alone time” as you’ll be having “together time” which is much better (& halal).

Fasting! Although not fully, fasting does temper your desires somewhat. This one is mainly for the non-married brothers...just fast, the fast of Dawud should help, one day on, one day off, keep yourself busy, ask your parents to put adult restrictions on the internet.

Fasting can also help the married brothers when their wives are on their periods (5-7 days can be a long time) so just be prepared for that. (Although the wives can still help out during this time as per the hadith of the prophet salAllahu alayhi wa salam). 

Constantly make dua, Allah subhana wata’la will help you with this, set targets, go for longer each time without breaking, work out your patterns. Make plans if/when you know you’re most likely to fall into your desires. 

Lower your gaze! This is probably the best course of action in my opinion. Walk with your eyes glued to the spot where you’d perform sujood when you’re out and about...especially in summer time! 

A tough one depending on your lifestyle/occupation. But avoid crowded, mixed gender places, such as shopping centres, restaurants, cinemas, I’m not saying have no life but cutting down will help (easy for me to say as I’m a hermit) 

If you have friends/colleagues who love talking about this stuff, distance yourself from them as much as possible, even hearing it or discussing it can make the mind wander! 

Sisters if you’re still reading there are ways you can help too. Unfortunately a huge amount of men (muslim and non-muslim) suffer with this issue and it would be naïve and unrealistic of you to just assume your potential spouse doesn't have this issue, I’m not saying we all do but I know a lot of guys from many different backgrounds & hardly any of them is free from this.

If you discover your husband has this issue, you have choices. You shouldn't have to deal with this, it's not your problem and it may even constitute grounds for a divorce (Not fully sure on that, you would have to speak to your local imam or a trusted scholar). You can also decide you want to try and resolve the issue with your husband rather than just end it in divorce. I'm sure there are many women that have been confronted with this issue, but this is not something many women speak about so we can't be sure. My advice if you choose this route (admittedly from a male perspective) would be to quite simply, keep your husband busy with you. Most men will be satisfied with 3-5 times a week (settling down to 2-4 after a year or so). You declining his advances can cause him to use “alternate sources”.

When on your periods, there are ways you can still help him out, I’ll let you both figure that out though. (Same for the few weeks after childbirth). 

I’ve alluded to the signs that he’s still got an addiction but here’s a refresher; declining your advances, seemingly not enjoying sex, trying to spend time by himself late in the evening (unless of course he’s watching sport/playing xbox.)

If you spot these signs then confront him as you being silent is just accepting the sin. Don’t be aggressive about it, be understanding, this is quite a sensitive topic for men and they will get defensive, blowing it up or getting others involved could be disastrous.

Communicate & negotiate. Come to an agreement, tell him you know about the signs, maybe be a little adventurous in the bedroom (obviously keep within the halal) get his attention...he doesn’t need to lower his gaze for you.

Also sisters, remove your pictures from social media now, you may not think you look pretty or that you’re sufficiently covered but trust me you are all beautiful mashallah but you are causing fitnah for us brothers, it doesn’t take much to attract us.

Porn addiction is worse than cigarettes, alcohol, pork, I’ve never known anything like it and it is poisonous, it is destroying the world in so many ways and Muslims are not exempt from this at all! May Allah subhana wata’la protect us all from this evil, ameen.